Stay safe with your copy Officer Horning's DVD/CD combo

Sure, Mom and Dad dressed me up in costumes throughout the years (my favorite?  a police officer's uniform, of course).

Today, though, as a police officer charged with protecting the public's safety, I have to point out:  have you ever really looked at this holiday?!  Halloween:  Dress up your kids to the point that they're not recognizable as themselves, send them out into the neighborhood to everybody's house -- including people they might not (moreso probably don't) know, to be given uninspected treats that could contain virtually anything.

Now that's what ya call a Safety nightmare.

- OH

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We were given some feedback the other day on the humor contained in our books:  "A Bunch of Gripe Grapes (formerly titled 'Hate Speech & Other Things I Hate')" by Templeton Techz as told to Tom Antonellis and "'Precipice Writings' and Other Relanyms" by Jim Dandy as told to Tom Antonellis.  Our customer informed us that books (who were not given a place of great prestige in their home -- they're being kept on the top of the toilet tank) were really cracking up their family and guests.

High praise.  High praise indeed.  Great bathroom reading.  We're so proud.

With April Fool's Day coming up, we're sure you're cooking up some laughs.  Why not give the Foole in your life a copy of either book.  Or both!!  Both for the people who really need a laugh.

Click here to order.  Both books available for only $19.  ('Relanyms' available in hardcover also for $39.)

  'Relanyms'  'Gripe Grapes'

Every Best Picture Oscar Winner Made Into a 'Relanym'

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"'Precipice Writings' & Other Relanyms - A Book of Word-Play" by Tom Antonellis © Thick Skin Creations, 2011.  All rights reserved.  The term 'relanym' is a copywritten and trademark-pending entity. 

A relanym is an odd or whimsical word or phrase derived from a common word or phrase. 

Crafting one involves adjusting each portion of the word or phrase by replacing it with either a synonym, an antonym or some such related word -- a word that would fall under the same category as the original. 

rela-  :  prefix invoking “relative” or “related”

-nym  :  a word suffix

Hence:  relanym.   Enjoy!  We start with 1929's 'Wings' right on up to 2010's 'The King's Speech'.  Here we go...

• Wings  -->  Thighs

• The Broadway Melody  -->  The 34^th Street Harmony

• All Quiet on the Western Front  -->  All Noisy on the Eastern Back

• Grand Hotel  -->  Poor Motor Lodge

• Cavalcade  -->  Obscurewordmeaningprocession

• It Happened One Night  -->  It Almost Happened One Afternoon

• Mutiny on the ‘Bounty’  -->  Conscientious Objection on the ‘Affluence’

• The Great Ziegfeld  -->  The Mediocre Rumsfeld

• The Life of Emile Zola  -->  The Near-Death Experience of Emile Zola

• You Can’t Take it With You  -->  I Haven’t Been Able to Bring It Along With Me

• Gone with the Wind  -->  Present with the Rain

• Rebecca  -->  Becky

• How Green Was My Valley  -->  How Brown Was My Last BM

• Mrs. Miniver  -->  Goo-goo-ga-choo Mrs. Robinson

• Casablanca  -->  Marrakesh

• Going My Way  -->  Leaving in the Manner of Someone Else

• The Lost Weekend  -->  The Found Vacation

• The Best Years of Our Lives  -->  The Worst Seconds of Our Deaths

• Gentleman’s Agreement  -->  Prick’s Arrangement

• Hamlet  -->  Porklet

• All the King’s Men  -->  A Select Few of the Queen’s Bitches

• All About Eve  -->  None About Adam

• An American in Paris  -->  A Parisian in Nashville

• The Greatest Show on Earth  -->  The Most Lame Presentation on Neptune

• From Here to Eternity  -->  From Just Next Door to Just After Next Week

• On the Waterfront  -->  Under the Pier

• Marty  -->  Doc

• Around the World in 80 Days  -->  Around the Desktop Globe in 8 Seconds

• The Bridge on the River Kwai  -->  The Bridge on the River Kwai Not?

• Gigi  -->  GaGaGooGoo

• Ben-Hur  -->  Done Him (One of my favorites!!!  Page 75 - "'Precipice Writings' & Other Relanyms - A Book of Word-Play")

• The Apartment  -->  The Artist's Loft

• West Side Story  -->  Northern Facet Parable

• Lawrence of Arabia  -->  Leonard of Judea

• Tom Jones  -->  Dick Smith

• My Fair Lady  -->  Your Hideous Gentleman

• The Sound of Music  -->  The Taste of Oil Paint

• A Man for All Seasons  -->  A Dude for Some Harvesttimes

• Oliver!  -->  Oliver?

• Midnight Cowboy  -->  Dusk Shepherd

• Patton  -->  Rubbon

• The French Connection  -->  The German Link

• The Godfather  -->  The Devilmother (page 13 - "'Precipice Writings' & Other Relanyms - A Book of Word-Play")

• The Sting  -->  The Minor Irritation

• The Godfather Part II  -->  The Allahcousin Part II (page 13 - "'Precipice Writings' & Other Relanyms - A Book of Word-Play")

• One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest  -->  Two Vaulted Under the Bushtit’s Sleeping Area
(more of them for 'Cuckoo's Nest' on page 69 - "'Precipice Writings' & Other Relanyms - A Book of Word-Play")

• Rocky  -->  Shoaly

• Annie Hall   -->  DaddyWarbucks Corridor

• The Deer Hunter  -->  The Elk Preserver

• Kramer vs. Kramer  -->  George Costanza vs. George Costanza

• Ordinary People  -->  Extraordinary Dogs

• Chariots of Fire  -->  Wagon Trains of Water

• Gandhi  -->  Robin-Williams-Doing-an-Impression-of-Gandhi

• Terms of Endearment  -->  References to Hatred

• Amadeus  -->  He'sanaltar

• Out of Africa  -->  Into Antarctica

• Platoon  -->  Regiment

• The Last Emperor  -->  The Penultimate Sith Lord

• Rain Man  -->  Snow Chick

• Driving Miss Daisy  -->  Transporting Miss Tulip

• Dances with Wolves  -->  Cha-Chas with Chupacabras

• The Silence of the Lambs  -->  The Muffled Rumblings of the Goats
(more of them for 'Lambs' on page 113 - "'Precipice Writings' & Other Relanyms - A Book of Word-Play")

• Unforgiven  -->  Barely Reconciled

• Schindler’s List  -->  Knee-dler’s PowerPointPresentation

• Forrest Gump  -->  Scrubland Breathmint

• Braveheart  -->  Terrifiedspleen

• The English Patient  -->  The British Eager

• Titanic  -->  Boobanic

• Shakespeare in Love  -->  Moliere in Melancholy

• American Beauty  -->  Canadian Heinousness

• Gladiator  -->  Somewhatsatisfied-iator

• A Beautiful Mind  -->  A Pretty Conscience

• Chicago  -->  Dudeago

• Lord of the Rings:  The Return of the King  -->  Duchess of the Anklet:  The Absence of the Court Jester (more of them for 'Rings' on page 45 - "'Precipice Writings' & Other Relanyms - A Book of Word-Play")

• Million Dollar Baby  -->  Five Cent Infant

• Crash  -->  Collision

• The Departed  -->  The Resurrected

• No Country for Old Men  -->  All Continents for Young Women

• Slumdog Millionaire  -->  Ghettocat Billionaire

• The Hurt Locker  -->  The Booboo Cubbyhole

• The King’s Speech  -->  The Queen’s Yeast Infection

If you read this much, you must really have a love of words...or movies...or Tom Antonellis...or you were simply bored.  Either way, thanks for playing!  Click here to get your copy of 'Relanyms'.

Feel free to leave your own Relanyms in the form of a 'Comment' below. 

-Tom Antonellis

Click here to buy your copy NOW!

If only C.S. Lewis had owned a copy of "Relanyms" -- The Lion the Witch & the Wardrobe might have instead been called The Panther, the Sorcerer and the Bureau or the slightly more preposterous The Tiger, the Wizard and the Chifferobe!

Had he lived to see the year 2010, Relanyms might have inspired Charles Dickens himself to pen A Yarn of Three Burroughs or even A Fable of Four Neighborhoods instead of that boring old A Tale of Two Cities.

So, put down that Cherub's Sustenance Tort (Angel's Food Cake) and pick up your copy of 'Precipice Writings' & Other Relanyms! Unless you have some sort of Hatchet to Pulverize. 

Special Edition Hardcover (pictured) $39.00 USD; paperback $19.00 USD

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In honor of our good friend Officer Horning's birthday this month, we are offering free shipping on 'Bus Safety Brought to You' the mini-movie featuring the good officer.

Click here to buy right away.

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Finally you have it!  The long-awaited first mini-movie featuring Sergeant Major Officer Corporal Admiral Randall Everett Horning of the Natick Police Department.

Enjoy the good Officer’s classic safety lecture as you witness the legendary and earth-shattering recording session conducted by his lifelong friend Tommy “Slib” Antonellis.

This 2-disc set features: on DVD, the mini-movie described above:  ‘Bus Safety Brought to You' as well as ‘Bus Safety Origins’ – the filmmaker’s onstage genesis for the character. On Disc 2, the CD, is ‘Bus Safety – the Audio Book,’ written, read and performed by your favorite safety officer alongside his mentor Officer Frantz. 

In less than 15 minutes the two obsessed Officers will lay on you more detrimental Bus Safety behaviors than there are days in the year. Don't delay!  Get your copy right here, and the good officer thanks you.

Pam Harbor, a fan and reader of 'A Bunch of Gripe Grapes' gives her testimonial on the book:  "This is so much fun.  It's a really great conversation starter too.  Like at a party -- great book to have on your coffee table in between rounds of Scrabble at a party.  I was reading it going, 'That's true!  I hate that too!'  Then I got to FAYE DUNAWAY and I said, 'Wait!  What's wrong with Faye Dunaway?  I like Faye Dunaway.  I mean, THE 80s?  Sure.  WHEN YOU FRESHLY SHARPEN A PENCIL AND IT BREAKS RIGHT AWAY?  Sure.  THE NHL?  Sure.  But Faye Dunaway?'  So, basically, I'm enjoying the book even when the Grape being Griped about is one that I would've let go.  Well done, Tom...I mean...Templeton."

Thanks Pam.  Great news is we've been getting a lot of similar feedback.  We're glad you're enjoying Templeton Techz's ire-filled tome!  Please recommend to friends and family -- and enemies.  Why not?

- by Tom Antonellis

The book, "Gripe Grapes" is Here! Why suffer through another bowl of cherries, when you can have a good old bunch of grumbling, griping, grapes. Feed your inner curmudgeon.

Visit the Thick Skin Creations Store to get your copy today.